“Dear Toddler, I’m Sorry I Wasn’t More Patient Today”
6:45am- "Alright buddy, we need to get going. Can you put on your shoes?"
Toddler is running around with a water in one hand and a fig bar in the other, doesn't even acknowledge that you are talking to them.
6:46am "Bud, we need to get going. Please put your shoes on"
Toddler rummaging through your work bag, pulling out all the stuff that you just put in there. Pulls out your lunch and says "Mama, Can I have a snaaaaack?" (while still has a fig bar in his hand)
*Asks toddler 2 more times to get their shoes on because you are going to be late*
6:52am "Buddy, we are running late. You need to get your shoes on now!"
This finally registers with toddler but acts like he doesn't know why you're so mad.
*Explosion of frustration and shouting*
Does this sound familiar? For a working mom, this probably sounds like most mornings for you. Work days are the most challenging days of the week.
You wake up (way to early), get yourself ready, pack your lunch, pack your kids lunch, pack your work bag, pack your childs bag, wake them up, get them fed and dressed, get out the door, drop them off, get to work ON TIME.... the list never stops. and then you go go go when you get home with making dinner, washing up for dinner, getting everything cleaned up after dinner, give the toddler a bath, get them ready for bed, do any other chores that need to get done around the house that day.... THEN you finally get some time for you. And if you're anything like me, that time basically includes taking a shower, mindlessly scrolling for a few minutes and then going to bed *fingers crossed* by 9pm. 😉
As moms we constantly have a running to do list in our heads, prioritizing taking care of everyone else while our needs are pushed to the bottom, or sprinkled in here or there. It's no wonder that we lose our tempers a little bit from time to time. The one little act of our kiddo not putting their shoes on after asking multiple times, on top of everything else going on in the back of our heads, would drive anyone crazy.
Not to mention these crazy moments are ALWAYS started off with an awful nights sleep. Your toddler randomly has a night that they didn't want to go to sleep so everyone went to bed late, then they wake up a few times through the night and your alarm always goes of wayy to early.
Dear Toddler,
I'm sorry I wasn't more patient today.
I try to teach you how to handle your feelings and regulate your emotions when you get upset, and this morning I did everything that I tell you not to do. I got angry and frustrated and I raised my voice and I shouldn't have. I teach you to take a break, take a deep breath to calm down so that you don't yell. I am supposed to lead by example and I was not doing a good job of that.
You are just a toddler being a toddler. You don't run by the same time that everyone else does. You are learning to listen and respond and sometimes I forget that. I talk to you and expect you to listen like an adult that is not a fair expectation for you.
I'm sorry I was not more patient today.
I was caught up thinking about getting us ready and out the door on time. I was thinking about work deadlines that I had to meet today and what we were doing to do for dinner tonight. My brain was more focused on everything else going on, that I ignored the little boy that just wanted to do what little boys do best, play. I dismissed the little boy that was just asking for my attention while all that I could focus on was you getting your shoes on so that we could leave on time.
I'm sorry wasn't more patient today. I will try to do better next time. Be an example of how I can communicate my needs from you effectively and handle my frustration without getting loud of angry. I may not be a perfect mom, but I do the best that I can. I love you so much, please forgive me.
Love, Mom <3
Do Better Next Time
We ALL have moments like this, being a mom is hard. It doesn't matter if you are a working mom or a stay at home mom. They both come with their challenges and sometimes it's just to much and you crack. First thing you need to keep in mind, we have all been there. You are not alone.
Second, your toddler is resilient. This interaction will stick in our minds longer then it will be on theirs. They will forget about it in 10 minutes and run right back into our arms for a hug.
Third, take this as a learning opportunity. What could you have done differently to get a different outcome that didn't result in a total meltdown by us and our toddlers. What do we try to keep our kiddos to do when they are feeling frustrated?
Take a step back and take a deep breath. The coffee and lunch packing can wait for 5 seconds. Take a second to calm yourself and then take on the toddler. Something that tends to work for me is to go over to them and get down on their level. Make them look at you (gently) and just talk to them. Talk them through what you are asking them to do, why you need them to do it and sometimes you just have to help them. I love to make them a deal and split up the task, Like I'll put on one shoe and they have to put on the other.
Help encourage them that they can do the task and praise them when they do. That shift of tone and environment is the reset that both of you needed to get your day back on track.
Remember mama, you are not alone. We have all been there and will be there again. You are doing a great job.
Go hug that baby and get on with your day!
